Anger: The Steward of Our Boundaries
I was probably seven years old when I learned that anger was something dangerous.
My sister and I shared a small bedroom—the kind that holds way too much emotion and not enough square footage. One day, she stormed in after an argument with our parents and slammed the door so hard it rattled the frame.
They had warned her.
“If you slam that door again, it’s coming off the hinges.”
And that time? They meant it.
Our dad came in with a screwdriver, and just like that—no more door. No more privacy.
As the little sister witnessing the whole thing, I remember thinking:
WTF, sis… you really went for it.
And also:
So that’s what happens when you express your anger.
That moment planted a seed.
A belief that grew silently, like so many do:
Anger makes people take things away.
Anger is embarrassing.
Anger is unsafe.
And like so many of us—especially those raised as girls—I learned to mute it.
To be sweet. To be polite. To be easy to love.
But here’s what I’ve
come to understand
Anger is not the enemy.
It’s the steward of our boundaries.
It shows up when something matters.
When we’ve compromised too much.
When our “yes” really should’ve been a “no.”
When something inside us is screaming to be heard.
Rage is the part of you that says:
“This doesn’t feel right.”
“I’m not okay with this.”
“Something needs to change.”
But we’ve been conditioned to dismiss it.
To call it being “dramatic,” “too emotional,” “difficult,” “overreacting.”
Instead of responding to the message, we shame the messenger.
The Science Behind It
Psychologically, anger is an activating emotion.
Research shows that when we feel anger, it stimulates the prefrontal cortex, helping us clarify goals, assert boundaries, and take empowered action (Harmon-Jones & Peterson, 2008).
In fact, studies published in Emotion show that anger—when expressed constructively—is linked to better problem solving, improved communication, and healthier long-term relationships.
Said differently:
Anger helps us get honest.
With ourselves.
With others.
With what we’re no longer willing to tolerate.
But When We Don’t Know How to Work With It…
It leaks.
It festers.
It explodes at the wrong people, or turns inward as chronic stress, anxiety, burnout, or depression.
I’ve seen it in myself and in the women I work with.
The ones who hold everything together.
Who bend and accommodate until they snap.
Who look “fine” on the outside while their inner world is on fire.
And most of the time, they’re not even sure why they’re angry.
They just know something feels off.
Something inside them is tired of being silenced.
Anger is a Compass
The real medicine comes when we pause and listen.
Next time you feel a flash of irritation, resentment, or shutdown…
Try asking:
What boundary just got crossed?
What need am I ignoring?
Where did I abandon myself to keep the peace?
What truth am I not saying out loud?
Anger isn’t a mistake.
It’s a message.
The more fluent you become in that language, the more your life begins to align.
Not from force.
But from truth.
This is what
Sacred Rage
is about.
It’s not a place to stay angry forever.
It’s a space to listen, move, release, and transform what’s been stuck inside.
To reclaim the part of you that never stopped knowing when enough was enough.
To learn how to feel anger—without fear.
To work with it as a sacred ally.
To remember that your fire is not too much.
It’s a vital part of your clarity and your power.
Sacred Rage is a 4-week live journey for women who are ready to stop fearing their fire and start working with it.
🔥 We begin in May.
🔥 Space is limited to 12 women.
🔥 You can join the waitlist here:
👉Click here to join Sacred Rage waitlist👈
Let this be the year you stop shaming your anger—and start listening to what it’s trying to protect.
Your truth matters.
Your needs matter.
And your rage has always known that.